Bret's Birth Story

Bret-Alexander`s birthstory
it started sunday night with cramps and i thought they were false contractions. my husband went to work and by 10 am my contractions were 2-3 min, apart. i had an appt at 11 am and they told me to come in. my husband left work and took me. at the office i was 5 cm. we rushed to the hospital and into LDR by noon. at 3:30 i was fully dialated and began pushing. i pushed for 2 hours and made little progress. i was in extreme pain and could no longer go on. i was then prepped for an emergency c-section. bret was stuck on my pelvic bone and was too big. but he is here now and he is perfect :)

Original due date: 10-31-08
Type of delivery: Cesarean section
Duration of labor: 2.5 hours
Weight @ birth: 8 lbs. 15 oz.
Length @ birth: 21.25

A Lullaby

Goodnight

Goodnight Goodnight
Don't put up a fight
Let's read your books and say your prayers
Give goodnight hugs to the one who cares


Goodnight Goodnight
Let's turn out the light
and as it is time to sleep
Rest your head, don't make a peep
Goodnight

many changes ahead

for those of you who do not know, kirk and i are expecting a baby girl in june. we are very excited!! bret talks about the baby, but pretty sure he doesn't quite understand how much his life is going to change. along with a baby, we are also moving to fort carson (colorado springs, co) at the end of april. it will be difficult (moving while pregnant) but i am very excited. we are hoping to move into a house this time since we will probably be there for 3 years. i hear that it is beautiful there and can't wait to see the mountain views.

another possible change is in my career. finding a job here and while looking online in co i am having a difficult time finding mental health positions that don't require a license. That really stinks because i passed the licensure exam, but do not have the hours needed to obtain one - especially from moving from pa to ok to co. i have been considering enrolling in a certificate program for medical transcription. i could finish it within 4-6 months and the job market looks good. this job would allow me to stay at home with the kids :) which would save money on daycare and we wouldn't have to buy a second car and add more insurance. i am nervous though, working from home is great but i just hope i can work as many hours as i hope to since i will have the kids to look after. i am thinking about calling the school recruiter today...we will see how it goes :)

i've been putting this off for a while now...

tomorrow will be 4 months since my dad has joined the angels in Heaven. for months i have wanted to capture my last moments with him in written word, so that i never forget what that time felt like, but i just could not sit down and really think about it. i've come a long way and had some very difficult moments, but i find joy in my family and know how happy my father was to see and spend time with bret and to know about the baby that will be joining us in june.

my dad passed away on sunday evening, october 24, 2010. we got the call on friday morning that he was in the end stages of life and that we should come home. our flight left early saturday morning and we got to see him saturday afternoon. it was so painful to see him laying in the bed, knowing that he was in so much pain. i found myself praying for God to take him and relinquish him of all his suffering. i know that my dad knew i was there. although he could barely open his eyes and speak, he squeezed my hand. i told him i loved him and he muttered something that was unrecognizable, but i know he was saying he loved me too. i also kissed his cheek and his turned his head slightly as he tried to kiss me back. i'm so thankful to have had those interactions with him.

we left for the night, not knowing if we would ever see him alive again...and gasping for breath every time the phone would ring. i had went home with my mother and kirk went to his mothers to be with bret. my mother and i returned to the hospice on sunday morning. he looked more at peace due to the pain medication, but we were told he was much worse and he was no responding to any of us. we decided to grab lunch and kirk was going to bring bret to see my mom for the afternoon. i was hesitant because i wanted to be with my father so badly when the time came for him to leave this world. my mom, husband, son, and i had an enjoyable afternoon, given the circumstance. bret loved playing on the playground. as it was getting later, kirk decided to was time to head back to pittsburgh for the night. i told my mom that we needed to go back to the hospice. we got to my dad around 645 sunday evening and i had seen the most amazing sunset i had ever seen.

he looked the same. he was experiencing apnea, where one stops breathing for amounts of time. he was also experiencing a 103 temperature. the nurses explained that the body knew something was wrong and the fever was to try to kill off what was attacking it. my mom stepped out for a moment so that i could have some time with dad. i held his hand and could not take my eyes off of him. i told him i loved him, that he was a great father, and that it was okay for him to let go and be with God. i assured him that we would all be okay and that he didn't have to fight anymore. for anyone who knew my dad, they knew he was a fighter - he had beat cancer 6 previous times and never gave up. my mother returned and we just sat with him. his breathing became less frequent and the way his head had been angled i could see his pulse in his neck lessen. he took a deep breath and stopped. my mom thought he had passed, but i showed her his pulse. i also knew though, that it would not be much longer before his last breath. within minutes, he took another deep breath that had jolted his body and his eyes opened wide and then peacefully closed, and as this happened his pulse in his neck pulsated one last time. i knew he was gone...

as sad as i was, i was also at peace. i knew my father, who had battled cancer for 26 years of his life, was now free of this horrible monster that had consumed his body for so long. i thanked God for freeing my dad and welcoming my dad Home. on the drive back to my mom's house, i thought about how my dad was now in Heaven and how absolutely amazing that was. i tried to imagine all the wonderous things he was now seeing, all the loved ones he had lost in his life that he was now reunited with (parents, siblings, friends), and most of all - meeting Jesus!! i found great comfort knowing this and on the drive home, i saw the most amazing full moon. it was so bright and so large.

i never actually thought i would be around someone as they died, but i am so thankful that God gave me that opportunity. it was sad yet so unbelievably peaceful.

cant believe i havent posted in such a long time!

so much has happened since i last wrote. i know i wrote last time about waiting to find out what branch kirk chose. he got signal with a field artillery detail (which means he will be FA until he makes Capt). With that being said, we have moved to ft sill, oklahoma about 1.5 months ago. we are settled into our apartment and getting used to the army life. its hard to be away from home and family (especially with my father's health and my mom just having surgery yesterday) but it helps to talk to them on the phone. but i am enjoying my time with bret :)

Branching

Today is branching day...2:00pm...

...soooo nervous.

i'll write more when we know what job he gets.

in a matter of hours, we will have a little bit more of an idea where and how the next few months are going to go.

Happy Mother's Day!

today i celebrated my 2nd mother's day. as i look back over the last 18.5 months, i remember the hard, the scary, the fun, and the loving times. from rushing bret to the hospital at 2 weeks old to watching him bark when he sees a picture of a dog to having him completely mold into my arms when he just needs his 'mama' - i am so blessed!! i love that little boy so much!! i know i was born to be a mother and it is by far the best and most rewarding thing i have ever done.

bret is such a goofball and he makes me smile everyday! he's so silly and carefree, but he is also so very sweet and gives the most incredible hugs. i'm not going to lie - being a mother is a very hard job at times. sometimes i want to pull my hair out and scream, but when i look into his eyes and by just holding him he stops crying - makes all those 'hard' times go away.

i'm so excited to watch bret grow and to add to our family.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day!!!!!!!

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day!!!!!!!

As i am new to the army life, i am learning a lot. this new job or 'silent rank' i carry is a lot of hard work. i'm left at home with all the responsibilities while supporting my husband who is hundreds of miles away. i have learned to treasure the 3 minute phone calls and the 12 hour visits every couple of months. i have learned that i am so much stronger than i ever imagined i could ever be.

i am a proud army wife!

growing up...

My little man is a year and a half and time is flying by. He is growing to fast. Tonight we had dinner at a friends. Bret was such an amazing little guy. He sat at the kitchen table in a chair (without a booster seat or high chair) and ate his dinner. He didn't throw his food and said 'please' when he wanted more of something. I was so proud of him!! He did such a good job.

I love my little boy <3

Kirk's BCT Graduation

Kirk officially graduated Basic and became a US SOLDIER on April 8, 2010. My mother-in-law, Tommy, Bret and I made the 12 hour drive to see him. We actually made it in time to spend Wednesday afternoon with him too. i was and still am so proud of him. We had a great time together...and he looks really good in his uniform ;) It was very difficult to say goodbye to him again as he is now in ft. benning, ga for OCS (officer training school) for 12 weeks. He was a little worried about OCS being as horrible as BCT (he said bct was just like high school). His worries have subsided as he has finished his 1st week. OCS is so much better and we get to talk almost every night!! unlike bct, where we would only get to talk for about 20 minutes once a week - if they didn't get in BIG trouble. We even started to skype - which was awesome!

Last week at OCS, kirk had the intial 'class-up' physical fitness test, Bolton Obstacle Course and Water Survival. Pretty intense week to start things off, but he made it and passed all 3 tests. Today, he has combatives which he is really looking forward to - UFC/MMA kind of stuff - which he LOVES! i'm so happy that he is enjoying his time so far. he even had a pass yesterday.

things are going well at home too. the cats have been goen for 2 weeks now and i miss them terribly. I looked at the humane society's website today and princess was not there - i'm hoping she found an amazing family to love her. Buddy was also adopted by my mother-in-law. i'm hoping Zany will find someone to love her - she is such a loving cat. it saddens me to know she is still in the shelter, but i have faith that she will find a home.

another plus, is that i was able to pay $2500 towards a credit card and hopefully will have it paid off next month!! then just one more credit card to go after that. things are really looking up financially!!

one of the hardest days of my life...

today...princess and zany have been placed at the humane society :(

after weeks of thinking and searching, kirk and i decided to surrender our 'babies'. due to moving a lot for our new life, needing to get the house ready to sell, trying to find rentals that allow a dog and 3 cats, unable to give enough attention to all, and if i'm ever pregnant while kirk is deplayed (cant do the litter) - we have chosen to say 'goodbye' to the cats. luckily, my mother-in-law took buddy, but the girls are not at the shelter. it was so hard!! and my heart is broken, even though i know it was the right decision. we have had buddy for 7 years and thankfully he is still in the family, and the girls for 5 years. kirk gave them to me for a birthday present - the best bday present ever. pets really are children and i feel horrible that i was unable to care for them. i'm so afraid that they will not be adopted. i miss them so much and this kills me. i keep thinking i will see princess laying on my bedroom floor when i walk upstairs or zany will come trotting into the bathroom while i'm getting ready or taking a bath or buddy will be crying so loudly to go outside. i think most of all i will miss princess sleeping with me everynight and walking up my body to kneed on my throat. the house seems so empty now. it is only the start of april and i have had so much loss already this year. this is by far the hardest year of my life. i just keep thinking about princess and zany stuck in a cage - lonely...scared...etc. i just feel so guilty and sad.

this sucks...

18 days...

wow - kirk has 18 days left at BCT!! he has been thru so much so far...worrying about me, bret, and my dad's health, getting pink eye while missing a critical training, and tranisioning from civilian to soldier. he' strong and getting thru this. i'm very proud of him.



our trip is planned and we leave in 16 days to make the 12.5 hour drive. stopping somwhere in the middle to sleep on tuesday night. i'm very excited to see kirk (especially in his uniform). kirk's mom and tom will be joining bret and i.



bret has adjusted very well to daycare. he still has days that he cries when i leave...but he is doing so much better. i just got his school pictures. sooo cute! my baby is growing too fast.

i'm very excited about our new journey - kind of like a new start. new people, new places, etc. the only thing is we have decided to find homes for our 3 cats. all of the moving would be too hard on them. i just hope to find homes so that they will not go to a shelter. they are so adorable...

my dad is still in hospice. he is doing well. the cancer has not spread to any other places in his body - Praise God!! but the mass is growing, he's getting frustrated because he wants to go home, and that is just not an option. i vistit as often as i can and i know seeing bret makes his week!! bret is actually pretty good there for only being 17 months old.

Today is sunday - the day kirk gets to call, as long as no one messes up. my day should keep me busy as my phone will not leave my side - church, visit dad, etc.

Thank you God for getting kirk, bret, and i through this difficult time. we could never had done this without You.

losing 2 of the 3 men in my life...

yes it is true. kirk leaves in less than 48 hours for basic training at ft. benning, georgia. and my dad has been diagnosed with a terminal illness and has moved into a hospice today. i can't believe all of this is happening at the same time. at least i have bret and because of bret i can't give up. i need to keep going for him and for kirk and i know it is what my dad and other family members would want. but it is extremely hard to be strong for everyone all of the time. for months i have tried to get used to the fact that kirk would be leaving and then i learn that my dad will be leaving and joining God. at least my dad will be with God and i know that he will no longer have to deal with cancer and diabetes and the many other horrible health concerns that he faces everyday. at times i wonder how i will make it without kirk when my dad passes. kirk is my rock and my support. i have never gone through anything this difficult in my life and i can't imagine doing it without my husband. but no matter what - i am proud of kirk and i know my dad is too. i know that i will be reunited with kirk in a matter of months and there will be a time when i am reunited with my dad. for now, i will live. i will live day to day and enjoy my last hours with kirk and finals days with my dad.

new job

so, it has been awhile since i last posted.
i started my new job. i am now an OCD therapist for kids and teens. it is just like my internship but with young ones. and by the way...i love it! it is hard though, adjusting to full time work again and being away from bret. but we are making it work.

bret will be 1 year old in 10 days - i cant believe it!! his party is in 1 week. it is baby sesame st. last weekend he took his first steps and his 7th tooth is coming in. my baby is growing up.

bret tried to give me a drink from his bottle yesterday. it was so sweet!

bret's ready for some football

Here we go Steelers, Here we go!

GeGe's 80th birthday party

GeGe was surprised! and loved her gifts from the boys - a tray with gege, kai, and bret on it and then coasters with the boys pictures on them.

1st entry

so, i decided to try this blog thing out.

just to update on what is going on in our lives:

~i talked to the ocd clinic today and they have not yet filled the position, so there is still hope for me :)

~kirk was sworn in and he will be leaving for boot camp and officer candidate school on jan. 25

~bret is cruising around the furniture and working on standing on his own

~i am also starting to plan his 1st birthday party! i cant believe he will be one soon. he is growing up too fast.

other than that, we are just living in the moment and enjoying our time together.