cant believe i havent posted in such a long time!

so much has happened since i last wrote. i know i wrote last time about waiting to find out what branch kirk chose. he got signal with a field artillery detail (which means he will be FA until he makes Capt). With that being said, we have moved to ft sill, oklahoma about 1.5 months ago. we are settled into our apartment and getting used to the army life. its hard to be away from home and family (especially with my father's health and my mom just having surgery yesterday) but it helps to talk to them on the phone. but i am enjoying my time with bret :)

Branching

Today is branching day...2:00pm...

...soooo nervous.

i'll write more when we know what job he gets.

in a matter of hours, we will have a little bit more of an idea where and how the next few months are going to go.

Happy Mother's Day!

today i celebrated my 2nd mother's day. as i look back over the last 18.5 months, i remember the hard, the scary, the fun, and the loving times. from rushing bret to the hospital at 2 weeks old to watching him bark when he sees a picture of a dog to having him completely mold into my arms when he just needs his 'mama' - i am so blessed!! i love that little boy so much!! i know i was born to be a mother and it is by far the best and most rewarding thing i have ever done.

bret is such a goofball and he makes me smile everyday! he's so silly and carefree, but he is also so very sweet and gives the most incredible hugs. i'm not going to lie - being a mother is a very hard job at times. sometimes i want to pull my hair out and scream, but when i look into his eyes and by just holding him he stops crying - makes all those 'hard' times go away.

i'm so excited to watch bret grow and to add to our family.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day!!!!!!!

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day!!!!!!!

As i am new to the army life, i am learning a lot. this new job or 'silent rank' i carry is a lot of hard work. i'm left at home with all the responsibilities while supporting my husband who is hundreds of miles away. i have learned to treasure the 3 minute phone calls and the 12 hour visits every couple of months. i have learned that i am so much stronger than i ever imagined i could ever be.

i am a proud army wife!

growing up...

My little man is a year and a half and time is flying by. He is growing to fast. Tonight we had dinner at a friends. Bret was such an amazing little guy. He sat at the kitchen table in a chair (without a booster seat or high chair) and ate his dinner. He didn't throw his food and said 'please' when he wanted more of something. I was so proud of him!! He did such a good job.

I love my little boy <3

Kirk's BCT Graduation

Kirk officially graduated Basic and became a US SOLDIER on April 8, 2010. My mother-in-law, Tommy, Bret and I made the 12 hour drive to see him. We actually made it in time to spend Wednesday afternoon with him too. i was and still am so proud of him. We had a great time together...and he looks really good in his uniform ;) It was very difficult to say goodbye to him again as he is now in ft. benning, ga for OCS (officer training school) for 12 weeks. He was a little worried about OCS being as horrible as BCT (he said bct was just like high school). His worries have subsided as he has finished his 1st week. OCS is so much better and we get to talk almost every night!! unlike bct, where we would only get to talk for about 20 minutes once a week - if they didn't get in BIG trouble. We even started to skype - which was awesome!

Last week at OCS, kirk had the intial 'class-up' physical fitness test, Bolton Obstacle Course and Water Survival. Pretty intense week to start things off, but he made it and passed all 3 tests. Today, he has combatives which he is really looking forward to - UFC/MMA kind of stuff - which he LOVES! i'm so happy that he is enjoying his time so far. he even had a pass yesterday.

things are going well at home too. the cats have been goen for 2 weeks now and i miss them terribly. I looked at the humane society's website today and princess was not there - i'm hoping she found an amazing family to love her. Buddy was also adopted by my mother-in-law. i'm hoping Zany will find someone to love her - she is such a loving cat. it saddens me to know she is still in the shelter, but i have faith that she will find a home.

another plus, is that i was able to pay $2500 towards a credit card and hopefully will have it paid off next month!! then just one more credit card to go after that. things are really looking up financially!!

one of the hardest days of my life...

today...princess and zany have been placed at the humane society :(

after weeks of thinking and searching, kirk and i decided to surrender our 'babies'. due to moving a lot for our new life, needing to get the house ready to sell, trying to find rentals that allow a dog and 3 cats, unable to give enough attention to all, and if i'm ever pregnant while kirk is deplayed (cant do the litter) - we have chosen to say 'goodbye' to the cats. luckily, my mother-in-law took buddy, but the girls are not at the shelter. it was so hard!! and my heart is broken, even though i know it was the right decision. we have had buddy for 7 years and thankfully he is still in the family, and the girls for 5 years. kirk gave them to me for a birthday present - the best bday present ever. pets really are children and i feel horrible that i was unable to care for them. i'm so afraid that they will not be adopted. i miss them so much and this kills me. i keep thinking i will see princess laying on my bedroom floor when i walk upstairs or zany will come trotting into the bathroom while i'm getting ready or taking a bath or buddy will be crying so loudly to go outside. i think most of all i will miss princess sleeping with me everynight and walking up my body to kneed on my throat. the house seems so empty now. it is only the start of april and i have had so much loss already this year. this is by far the hardest year of my life. i just keep thinking about princess and zany stuck in a cage - lonely...scared...etc. i just feel so guilty and sad.

this sucks...

18 days...

wow - kirk has 18 days left at BCT!! he has been thru so much so far...worrying about me, bret, and my dad's health, getting pink eye while missing a critical training, and tranisioning from civilian to soldier. he' strong and getting thru this. i'm very proud of him.



our trip is planned and we leave in 16 days to make the 12.5 hour drive. stopping somwhere in the middle to sleep on tuesday night. i'm very excited to see kirk (especially in his uniform). kirk's mom and tom will be joining bret and i.



bret has adjusted very well to daycare. he still has days that he cries when i leave...but he is doing so much better. i just got his school pictures. sooo cute! my baby is growing too fast.

i'm very excited about our new journey - kind of like a new start. new people, new places, etc. the only thing is we have decided to find homes for our 3 cats. all of the moving would be too hard on them. i just hope to find homes so that they will not go to a shelter. they are so adorable...

my dad is still in hospice. he is doing well. the cancer has not spread to any other places in his body - Praise God!! but the mass is growing, he's getting frustrated because he wants to go home, and that is just not an option. i vistit as often as i can and i know seeing bret makes his week!! bret is actually pretty good there for only being 17 months old.

Today is sunday - the day kirk gets to call, as long as no one messes up. my day should keep me busy as my phone will not leave my side - church, visit dad, etc.

Thank you God for getting kirk, bret, and i through this difficult time. we could never had done this without You.

losing 2 of the 3 men in my life...

yes it is true. kirk leaves in less than 48 hours for basic training at ft. benning, georgia. and my dad has been diagnosed with a terminal illness and has moved into a hospice today. i can't believe all of this is happening at the same time. at least i have bret and because of bret i can't give up. i need to keep going for him and for kirk and i know it is what my dad and other family members would want. but it is extremely hard to be strong for everyone all of the time. for months i have tried to get used to the fact that kirk would be leaving and then i learn that my dad will be leaving and joining God. at least my dad will be with God and i know that he will no longer have to deal with cancer and diabetes and the many other horrible health concerns that he faces everyday. at times i wonder how i will make it without kirk when my dad passes. kirk is my rock and my support. i have never gone through anything this difficult in my life and i can't imagine doing it without my husband. but no matter what - i am proud of kirk and i know my dad is too. i know that i will be reunited with kirk in a matter of months and there will be a time when i am reunited with my dad. for now, i will live. i will live day to day and enjoy my last hours with kirk and finals days with my dad.